I will never be able to give myself snakeskin nails, and not for lack of effort. Here are my all-too-serious reasons why this, and most other nail art trends, aren’t my thing.

1. I don’t read directions

I live my life with a stereotypically male perspective on directions — they only get read if I find the proverbial extra screw after the bookshelf is put together. So, when I tried to paint my nails with Essie’s Lil Boa Peep nail polish, I decided to march to my drumbeat beat, and it didn’t work…oops!

Apparently, you aren’t supposed to polish all nails then try to magnetize.

You have to 1) paint a first coat with the polish, 2) paint each nail individually and 3) magnetize for 5 seconds before going on to the next. I only learned this after my nails were dry enough for me to peel the directions off the bottle.

2. I’m impatient

Do you ever paint your nails, then accidentally mess one up because you thought they were dry? I do that ever single time I paint my nails, and even when I get the painted professionally and they have fancy drying machines. Every. Single. Time.

Nail art would just be a futile attempt for me because I’d screw it up before the design was even finished, and waiting 5 seconds for a magnet to work? Puhhh-lease!

3. I need to feel it to know it’s working

My biggest pet peeve with the magnet nail polishes is I’m 99% sure the magnet isn’t powerful enough. I want to feel like it is practically pulling the little metallic flecks off my nails, and I felt absolutely nothing.

I come from the old-fashioned school of “if you can feel it, then it’s working,” so I like my face washes to leave my skin feeling clean, and I love the sensation of when masks, gels or even nail polishes dry.

Obviously, I failed at my first attempt a nail art/magnetic nail polish, but at least the color looks great on me!